Sex Fantasy

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Ever feel like your sex life is boring and you are thinking about spicing things up in the bedroom?  If you answered yes, do not take advice from 23 year-old Arthur Sedille from Oklahoma. 

In the midst of of little pre-Christmas nookie on December 21st, "(CNN) He pressed it to his wife's head and pulled the handgun's slide back during sex."  That's right, he shot and killed his wife during a sex fantasy in bed. I mean what woman doesn't find a pistol to her head sexy? 

I try not to joke about death or murders because I really don't think they are funny, but the context in this story is too good to pass up.

"(CNN)- Sedille, 23, is facing the possibility of a murder charge in Canadian County, Oklahoma, in the death of his wife, 50-year-old Rebecca Sedille -- who died when the handgun went off in their bedroom." (No, the 27 year age difference is not a typo).  And,"possibility of a murder charge?" What is the alternative? Thanks Judicial system!

There are so many sex jokes that I could make about this story (like the gun just went off, or "head" jokes), but I am not that immature.  So I will leave you with this, Practice safe sex people!

                                          (Thanks for the cute picture CNN!)

Freak of the Week (Romaniacs!)

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So you think that America has issues with Politics and protesters?  Check out this asshole in Romania who protested the government by jumping off of the balcony in Parliament.  Not much to analyze here, but he did earn the freak of the week for my blog.  Maybe this is Romanias version of Spider-Man?  Who knows.

Year in review

So, 2010 has been a great year, unless you were effected by the financial crisis, a Chilean miner, any animal in the Gulf of Mexico, Corey Haim, Dennis Hopper, Gary Coleman, Greg Giraldo, George Steinbrenner, J.D Salinger, Manute Bol, a resident of Haiti (earthquake), Chilie (eathquake), Pakistan (flooding), Iceland (volcano), Brett Favre or Tiger Woods.

Worst quote of the year:  ''I hear comments sometimes that large oil companies are greedy companies or don't care, but that is not the case with BP. We care about the small people.''
—BP Chairman Carl-Henric Svanberg, speaking to reporters in Washington, June 16, 2010

That's nice of you to think about the "small people" Carl; How did that 33 billion dollar loss in Q3 work out for you?

Best quote of the year: ''I never considered myself a maverick.''
—Sen. John McCain (R-AZ), rewriting history and repudiating the image on which he based his presidential campaign, Newsweek interview, April 2010

Well John, You probably should have told your dumb ass running-mate that before the campaign.

Anyways, I am fairly confident that 2011 will be a better year than 2010 because I honestly don't see how it could be worse (I am a "cup half full" kind of guy.)
Happy New Year!

It's your Birfday

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"(Hartford Courant)- Two men were arrested early Tuesday morning for allegedly breaking into 50 Cent's 52-room Connecticut mansion -- one of whom was found in a closet drinking a bottle of wine he had taken from the home."

That's right Curtis James Jackson III, aka: 50 Cent, aka: Fifty Cents (to old white people); two punk ass kids broke into your house and stole a bottle of your Beringer wine then slammed it in a closet.

What the hell are you drinking wine for anyways?  Don't you rap about 40's and poppin Cristal? You should be happy that these kids took your wine, your street cred has dropped so much anyways by living in Farmington, CT (one of the most cliche upper-class towns in America). It's good that you brought a little of the hood to Farmington, I am sure the town loves it.

"Alexander Hernandez, 19, and Santos Padilla, 21, were apprehended after security guards called police about a suspicious car in the driveway."

Are you kidding me?!?!  Your "security guards" called the cops?  HA!  What type of weak ass security guards do you have that resort to calling the Farmington PD?  I figured you would have a refugee army with armed guards and machetes (Wyclef style). 

Well Curtis, I am glad the Farmington PD were able to take care of the wine bandits and all is safe in your mansion.

More Stupid Lyrics

This weeks edition of "Stupid Lyrics" is brought to you by Lil Wayne.  In the song "Forever" by Drake, Lil Wayne had this to say...

"Okay, hello it's da Martian, Space Jam Jordans
I want this shit forever, wake up and smell the garden
Fresher than the harvest, step up to the target
If I had one guess, then I guess I'm just New Orleans"

-Really, A Space Jam reference?  The 1996 movie about cartoon basketball players is the most gangsta you can be?
-And exactly what "shit" do you want forever?  I think I missed something in that line. However, I do enjoy "smelling gardens," but I just don't see how that is applicable in this song?
- Last thing, "Target" and "New Orleans" do not rhyme, so way to be extremely lazy there.

I guess I just have to come to the realization that all of the best rappers ever are either dead (B.I.G & Tupac), newly sober so have lost their edge (Eminem) or married to Beyonce and too busy to rap (she seems high-maintenance).  I mean the new "rap" is just pitiful and I feel Lil Wayne did an excellent job at proving this in this weeks edition of Stupid Song Lyrics.

 

Spider-Man (Not bird)

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Superman is to kryptonite as Spider-Man is to ___________? If you guessed "gravity," you are correct!  Stay with me on this one...

New York (CNN) -- An actor was injured after a fall during a performance of the musical "Spider-Man: Turn off the Dark" in New York on Monday night.

Yes, that is right.  During a performance yesterday, the heroic Spider-Man fell 20 feet (or about 6 meters to anyone not in the U.S) and was "wheeled off stage in a neck brace and taken to the hospital."  I was never a huge Spider-Man fan growing up, probably because I already knew he was a pussy that couldn't handle a 20 foot fall.

The fans at this show must have been pissed!  Spider-Man is typically seen swinging between sky-scrapers, 50-70 stories high while fighting off bad guys left and right.  Yesterday, these fans saw Spider-Man fall the equivalent of two stories and get taken away by ambulance.  I don't know about you, but I would demand my money back.

"A producer then came by and said the show was over, Dealwis said. Some people "clapped awkwardly," and one girl "laughed mockingly," drawing "disapproving glances" from others."

The fact that this girl "laughed mockingly" has restored my faith in Broadway fanatics.  I am just happy that one person in the theater understood the irony of what they just saw. Anyways, get well Spider-Man.

Party in Israel!

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"Jerusalem (CNN) -- The Israeli Air Force shot down an unidentified flying object over the Dimona nuclear plant in the Negev Desert Thursday, the Israel Defense Forces said."

It was a scary day in Israel yesterday when the IAF shot down a UFO as it entered the do-not-fly zone above a nuclear plant.  Who ordered the attack? Iran? Lybia? Syria? I know the US has Israels back (even though our President accidentally bowed to the Saudi King), so where do we have to deploy our troops now?

What's that?  The "UFO" was a "party balloon?" 

That's right, the Israeli Defense Force said "the object may have been a party balloon but they have not found the debris to determine that is was." How do you expect the 10 people searching to find a small balloon fragment out in the desert when our entire military can't find Bin Laden?

Oh well, at least the Israeli Air Force got some target practice when they shot down little Amir's balloon because his Father forgot to tie it tight enough to the chair during his 11th birthday party. 

Not so "Happy" Meal

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Every now and then I come across a story that I have to read twice because I cannot believe how crazy it is.  This morning I was shocked when this hypothetical "gold" landed in front of me while I was checking the top news stories.

(Warning: Criticism of lazy parents to follow)

"(CNN) - A California woman is suing McDonald's claiming the fast-food giant uses toys to market directly to young children." (Isn't that the point? Define "Marketing")

"(CNN) - Monet Parham, a 41-year old state employee, says her kids repeatedly ask for Happy Meals, mainly for the toys. "We have to say no to our kids so many times and McDonald's makes that so much harder to do. I object to the fact that McDonald's is getting into my kids' heads without my permission and actually changing what my kids want to eat."

Sorry Monet (and it's a sign that you can change one letter in your name to make it "money"), but this is the stupidest lawsuit I have ever heard of.  I know times are tough, but how are you going to sue McDonald's because they put toys in with their kids' meals? 

"We have to say no to our kids so many times and McDonald's makes that so much harder to do." Really?  Are you going to blame Sony because your stupid kids stay up late and watch TV? Or we can all sue Taco Bell because we were so intrigued with that little Chihuahua that all we did was eat gordidas for 11 months straight?

I have an idea Monet, how about you step up and be a fucking parent?  "Mommy, Mommy, I want McDonald's tonight..."  This is how you handle that one, "No."  You are the parent and you need to act like it.

If this is just for the money, and you find a good enough lawyer who will get you some, I think you should be counter sued for wasting every ones time who is involved. 

Freak of the Week!

Here is a new section of my blog that I am starting called "Freak of the Week."  The name pretty much summarizes what I am going to talk about but if you are slow, let me explain.  Each week (maybe more, depending on the abundance of freaks per given week), I will select a "freak" in the media and talk shit about them, got it?

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"Actor Rip Torn pleads guilty in Conn. break-in" - Looking at this headline, you would figure that possibly he broke into a package store (liquor store if you don't live in CT) or maybe even broke into a house.  You are wrong; Rip Torn, who is best known for his role in "Men in Black," got all trashed, grabbed his gun and went to a Connecticut bank. 

Anyone else in CT that pulled that shit would have been shot on the site, but landing that Emmy in 1996 for the work he did on "The Larry Sanders Show" was his literal "get out of jail free card."  I am not sure how you pulled only 3 years of probation for this one off but I commend you Rip.  However, you are still my "freak of the week" for even trying this bullshit in the first place.

                                                     (thanks for sharing your pic NY State Police!!)

You can ask and tell :-p

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Here comes the first "political" story in my blog so I am sorry if it comes across boring to those of you looking for some really interesting story about a car chase in Old Saybrook, CT.

"Washington (CNN) -- The House of Representatives voted Wednesday to overturn the ban on openly gay and lesbian soldiers serving in the U.S. military, passing legislation repealing the controversial "don't ask, don't tell" policy."

It is about fucking time House of Representatives. Although, in their defense, the previous bill included other issues dealing with the military and Pentagon spending; So this was the first bill dealing with the whole gay thing that they really got to vote on.

So the bill is repealed 250-175, I think about half way through the counting, they started chanting "warm up the bus, warm up the bus" at the anti-gay members of the House.  Everyone is happy and feeling gay, right? 

Nope, Republican House Rep. Duncan Hunter of California had this to say... "The United States military is not the YMCA, It's something special." He then went on to say, This is "a liberal crusade to create utopia." Well Mr. Hunter, you now have a bunch of pissed off openly gay people with guns that will not hesitate to bust a cap in your ass (or something else to see if you like it).

How are gay people in the military a BAD thing?  Who else would you want spying on other countries male soldiers and polishing their rifles every night?  Also, how do you think the military is so well dressed?  When is the last time you knew a guy who woke up, made his bed, put on a starched shirt and went outside to work out? Yeah, that's what I thought Representative Hunter.

So today I congratulate the gay soldiers in the military and across the United States for being a little more proud of your country.