So I took about six months off, but I am now back to analyzing stories to help those who are not interested in the mainstream media. You may not get up to the minute information, but I will dissect a story and tell you what really happened (with as much mockery and sarcasm as possible).
Let's just quickly recap some of the events in the past 6 months...
-Sports:
The NFL goes on strike and monopolizes sports stations' headlines for months just to compromise on the inevitable that there will be a season.
-World:
There are so many riots right now that people don't even know the reason they are out looting. (Fun fact: Baseball bat sales in London are up 900% in the past week).
-Music:
Amy Winehouse died (the "celebrity death pool" pay out was split between 467 of the 500 entries for having the same guess).
-Local:
The State of _____________ (insert your here) is fucked because of the recent game of "chicken" in the White House. So much for bipartisanship I guess.
That pretty much sums up the past 6 months.
Now, back to aimlessly blogging about things you otherwise wouldn't care about.
Wednesday, August 10, 2011
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
The Deadly Budget
Read the budget proposal here
(Disclaimer: If you are not from Connecticut or have absolutely no interest in politics or the local Connecticut economy, stop reading now.)
Today, Connecticut's Governor Dannel (not a typo, his name is really Dannel, I know, stupid) Malloy announced our new State budget and holy shit do I have some questions. Now, I know I am jumping the gun because as I am writing this, it has literally been only two hours since it hit the press.
I just read and attempted to analyze the new budget proposal. Other than the fact Malloy loves to quote Robert Frost and Harriet Beecher Stowe, apparently feels that we need to tax Pilate's studios and will offer the first 5 business' "powerful incentives" (which we can't accommodate at this point) if they bring a business to CT and create 200+ jobs, I really didn't see where he was going with all of this.
(On Government)
He alludes to "trimming the Governmental fat" (for lack of a better term) but is only cutting 140 of 45,000 State jobs? I am no math expert but that is not even close to 1%. What he really said was... "we've reduced the number of budgeted state agencies from 82 to 58 -- that's a 30% reduction!" Well played with the words Danny boy, well played.
(On Education)
Malloy also talks about education in Connecticut, lets see what he said... "That's why this budget proposes sixty million additional dollars for magnet schools." Umm... This is only one year after Connecticut education was given 270 MILLION dollars which is all gone? If at first you don't succeed, try try again!
(On Transportation)
Malloy would like to bring the Connecticut rail-line to a "21st Century system" and fund an 8 mile bus strip from New Britain to Harford (which will shuttle crack-heads to their detox clinics) at a cost of $573 MILLION dollars. I don't know who the fuck quoted an 8-mile strip of pavement at $573 million but I would like to get in on that business. Also, why isn't New York flipping over some coin to help the rail systems, isn't that where every train ends up?
(On Protecting the Citizens)
Honestly, I am not even going to entertain this category because he is cutting 20 officers alone in New Haven who didn't earn the name "Gun Wavin New Haven" because they are great hunters.
(On Health care)
Careful Danny, that is my area; Lets at least hear what he had to say... "I'm proposing that we convert our Medicaid programs to a self-insured model." Wait, Isn't that what the dude in the White House is trying to do while getting laughed at by everyone in the Senate and the House? Yeah, it is called Nationalized Health care (aka Obamacare by supporters on the right side of the aisle). Well, good luck finding support on that one.
Malloy goes on to say that "we can do all of these things and more, if we have the courage to make the hard decisions we need to make today, and to seize the many opportunities that will shape our future." All this means is he is going to tax the shit out of the "middle-class," making it even more difficult to get by during these tough times.
To highlight a few tax proposals...
- Higher gas taxes (like it's not high enough?)
- Tax on clothing under $50 (which is every item of clothing I own)
- End to the "tax free week" (which will hurt CT business owners)
This is making CT more desirable to do business in how? How will this "create jobs" which is his theme to the entire proposal?
I will end this post with a quote from a friend Dave Shuck - "Buy gold mother fuckers!!!"
(Disclaimer: If you are not from Connecticut or have absolutely no interest in politics or the local Connecticut economy, stop reading now.)
Today, Connecticut's Governor Dannel (not a typo, his name is really Dannel, I know, stupid) Malloy announced our new State budget and holy shit do I have some questions. Now, I know I am jumping the gun because as I am writing this, it has literally been only two hours since it hit the press.
I just read and attempted to analyze the new budget proposal. Other than the fact Malloy loves to quote Robert Frost and Harriet Beecher Stowe, apparently feels that we need to tax Pilate's studios and will offer the first 5 business' "powerful incentives" (which we can't accommodate at this point) if they bring a business to CT and create 200+ jobs, I really didn't see where he was going with all of this.
(On Government)
He alludes to "trimming the Governmental fat" (for lack of a better term) but is only cutting 140 of 45,000 State jobs? I am no math expert but that is not even close to 1%. What he really said was... "we've reduced the number of budgeted state agencies from 82 to 58 -- that's a 30% reduction!" Well played with the words Danny boy, well played.
(On Education)
Malloy also talks about education in Connecticut, lets see what he said... "That's why this budget proposes sixty million additional dollars for magnet schools." Umm... This is only one year after Connecticut education was given 270 MILLION dollars which is all gone? If at first you don't succeed, try try again!
(On Transportation)
Malloy would like to bring the Connecticut rail-line to a "21st Century system" and fund an 8 mile bus strip from New Britain to Harford (which will shuttle crack-heads to their detox clinics) at a cost of $573 MILLION dollars. I don't know who the fuck quoted an 8-mile strip of pavement at $573 million but I would like to get in on that business. Also, why isn't New York flipping over some coin to help the rail systems, isn't that where every train ends up?
(On Protecting the Citizens)
Honestly, I am not even going to entertain this category because he is cutting 20 officers alone in New Haven who didn't earn the name "Gun Wavin New Haven" because they are great hunters.
(On Health care)
Careful Danny, that is my area; Lets at least hear what he had to say... "I'm proposing that we convert our Medicaid programs to a self-insured model." Wait, Isn't that what the dude in the White House is trying to do while getting laughed at by everyone in the Senate and the House? Yeah, it is called Nationalized Health care (aka Obamacare by supporters on the right side of the aisle). Well, good luck finding support on that one.
Malloy goes on to say that "we can do all of these things and more, if we have the courage to make the hard decisions we need to make today, and to seize the many opportunities that will shape our future." All this means is he is going to tax the shit out of the "middle-class," making it even more difficult to get by during these tough times.
To highlight a few tax proposals...
- Higher gas taxes (like it's not high enough?)
- Tax on clothing under $50 (which is every item of clothing I own)
- End to the "tax free week" (which will hurt CT business owners)
This is making CT more desirable to do business in how? How will this "create jobs" which is his theme to the entire proposal?
I will end this post with a quote from a friend Dave Shuck - "Buy gold mother fuckers!!!"
Friday, February 11, 2011
Party at Tahrir Square
Read the original story here
(CNN)- Egypt's Hosni Mubarak stubbornly clung to the presidency on Thursday, refusing in a highly anticipated speech to step down by saying he does not take orders from anyone outside Egypt.
What is the one thing that would piss off protesters more than just the fact President Mubarak is still in office? How about the fact he got on TV and said a big "fuck you" to all of the protesters by leading them to believe that he was leaving and in turn saying "he does not take orders from anyone outside Egypt."
That is a great way to calm the masses! Now the rioting (which I refuse to call "protesting") at Tahrir Square will be even bloodier than the past few weeks; And for what, another eight months in office?
I am not saying I have a solution, nor will I give my political view on the situation because this post is already long enough. I am just saying that we do need to be aware of what is actually going on in Egypt. The left side is saying "push for democracy, encourage voting and viva la revolution!" While the right side is pushing fear about the uprising of the Muslim Brotherhood if they were to take power in Egypt.
The left says the Muslim Brotherhood is a "mostly secular group," while the right says "the Muslim Brotherhood has been behind political assassinations, wants to push their religious views on all of the Middle East and is a group of Muslim radicals."
Confused yet? I am.
Where does America fit into this? Well, America will stick up for Israel because they are our peeps. Egypt and Israel have been cool with each other so we really have had no reason to intervene with their relationship. Now, Israel will be "surrounded by Muslim extremists and have no chance of survival which could result in WW3"- Sean Hannity (scared yet?)
I am not here to bash the right, left or the middle. All I am saying is, do your homework on what is actually happening over there so when you turn on the news and see our troops being deployed to Egypt, you aren't bitching and moaning without knowing the facts.
Hmm... Now that I look back at this post, there really isn't any humor and it is exactly the type of post that I wanted to stay away from on this blog. Oh well, if you have read this far and were looking for humor, maybe you can scroll down to another article about Spiderman or a deer on ice to get a laugh.
(Picture jacked from CNN because that's how I roll)
Friday, January 28, 2011
Wrong Dude!
Read the original story here
Waterbury, Conn. (AP) - Police in Waterbury say a man ran over a teen boy after he mistook him for someone who snatched his girlfriend's purse.
Um... Whoops? Danny Torres and his girlfriend were driving around, looking for the punk who stole her purse yesterday. Torres saw the 17 year old kid and punched the gas and hit him with his car. Torres got out of his car "wielding a baseball bat, then allegedly threatened to kill the boy and held him until police arrived."
So, Torres looks like the hero to his girlfriend and is positive that he is going to get a little booty that night. He got her knock-off Coach bag back with a half a pack of Newport's, birth control and $1.23 in it, but no, you got the wrong guy! Police proceeded to arrest Torres because his street justice was directed at the wrong person.
Do you want to know what really happened? There was no bag. Torres' girlfriend was just sick of his stupid, cocky, bad ass attitude but was too afraid to dump him so she made up a story that her purse got stolen. She probably saw the first person walking on the street and said "that's the guy Papi!" The purse is fine and probably sitting at he other boyfrields' house in Bridgeport. Torres will probably serve 10-life for attempted murder while his girl gets to laugh about it every night. Ah Mi Dios Torres!
Waterbury, Conn. (AP) - Police in Waterbury say a man ran over a teen boy after he mistook him for someone who snatched his girlfriend's purse.
Um... Whoops? Danny Torres and his girlfriend were driving around, looking for the punk who stole her purse yesterday. Torres saw the 17 year old kid and punched the gas and hit him with his car. Torres got out of his car "wielding a baseball bat, then allegedly threatened to kill the boy and held him until police arrived."
So, Torres looks like the hero to his girlfriend and is positive that he is going to get a little booty that night. He got her knock-off Coach bag back with a half a pack of Newport's, birth control and $1.23 in it, but no, you got the wrong guy! Police proceeded to arrest Torres because his street justice was directed at the wrong person.
Do you want to know what really happened? There was no bag. Torres' girlfriend was just sick of his stupid, cocky, bad ass attitude but was too afraid to dump him so she made up a story that her purse got stolen. She probably saw the first person walking on the street and said "that's the guy Papi!" The purse is fine and probably sitting at he other boyfrields' house in Bridgeport. Torres will probably serve 10-life for attempted murder while his girl gets to laugh about it every night. Ah Mi Dios Torres!
Monday, January 24, 2011
Flavor of the season
This post is really not breaking down any news story; This will be more of a forum for me to vent or talk a little shit while it is fresh on my mind. If you are not a fan of sports or you have no clue what is going on in the NFL, stop reading now.
For that one person that stuck around, let me get some things off my chest. I have nothing against the Pittsburgh Steelers, last night they came out and beat the shit out of the Jets and I can respect that. Yeah the Jets made it a game and it was interesting at the end, but I knew it was over when I saw the stats at the end of the first half and saw the Jets only had one rushing yard. Congrats to the Steelers for being the better team, I will be pulling for you in the Superbowl.
As for the NFC game, the Packers were able to pull off the win (by beating the third string QB) but Aaron Rodgers wasn't exactly the superhero ESPN has made him out to be. Rodgers had a few nice throws, but nothing compared to the games previous in the playoffs. Congrats to the Packers as well and their fans that have been with them since the beginning; Which brings me to my next point.
After the 2004 World Series, the number of Red Sox fans multiplied 10 fold (not an actual statistic). Fans came out of the shadows and coined themselves a "life long Sox fan." When the Tampa Bay (Devil) Rays made their run, Rays hats and jerseys were flying off the shelves faster than they could make them. Who didn't jump on the "Who Dat Nation" bandwagon when New Orleans made their run at footballs greatest award? My question is, where the hell did all of these Packer fans come from?
I have a friend (who will remain nameless), we will just call him "Rookie Cheese Head" (or RCH for short). RCH was asking me in the few weeks leading up to the playoffs, "who should I become a fan of in the NFL?"
I guess his history of cheering for the Giants, and then the Raiders and then the Patriots just wasn't satisfying his football needs. So, RCH decides on the Packers and tells me "I am getting a tattoo when "we" win the Superbowl." Somewhat perplexed on his team decision, I asked "why the Packers?" I mean RCH has never been within 800 miles of Wisconsin, couldn't name any notable Packers other than Rodgers or Favre and is from Connecticut; I don't even think he knows another Packers fan.
Then it hit me. RCH has fallen so deep into the media frenzy that is holding the Packers up on the highest level and he felt it applicable to pull for the favorite because he likes winners. He will say "I liked the Packers before the playoffs," but liking them once they are mathematically in the playoffs doesn't end the bandwagon conversations. He did show his loyalty and get a personalized Packers jersey and a "cheese head" so I guess he is locked into the team as a true fan (at least until a better team comes along).
Since RCH is one of the three people that read my blog, I am sure I will hear a lot of shit from him about this rant. He will say "Oh, when did you become a huge Jets fan?" I admit that I have not been loyal to the gang green before this year as much as I am now. I was a born and raised Denver fan (again, born in Denver). Elway was my idol growing up, and my Mom actually babysat for some of the players' children on the team. Living in CT, it makes it hard for me to cheer for a team I see once a year (not having the games played locally), and since everything I loved about Denver is no longer there, and Tim Teabag Tebow is the face of the franchise, I have laid the team to rest after a 25 year run. I am a born-again Jets fan. Why the Jets you ask? Well I did live in New Jersey, "but it's the New YORK Jets Andrew!" Shut up, they play in New Jersey. Also, judging by this blog entry, I think you can agree I like to talk shit and what team does that better than the Jets?
All I have to say is I wish both teams in the Superbowl (and their true fans) luck and just hope it is a good game. I almost hope that the Packers win so I don't need to hear about all of the team change drama next year from RCH. Ok, I think I have vented enough. For the one person that has read this far (probably RCH), I hope you have a nice day ;-)
For that one person that stuck around, let me get some things off my chest. I have nothing against the Pittsburgh Steelers, last night they came out and beat the shit out of the Jets and I can respect that. Yeah the Jets made it a game and it was interesting at the end, but I knew it was over when I saw the stats at the end of the first half and saw the Jets only had one rushing yard. Congrats to the Steelers for being the better team, I will be pulling for you in the Superbowl.
As for the NFC game, the Packers were able to pull off the win (by beating the third string QB) but Aaron Rodgers wasn't exactly the superhero ESPN has made him out to be. Rodgers had a few nice throws, but nothing compared to the games previous in the playoffs. Congrats to the Packers as well and their fans that have been with them since the beginning; Which brings me to my next point.
After the 2004 World Series, the number of Red Sox fans multiplied 10 fold (not an actual statistic). Fans came out of the shadows and coined themselves a "life long Sox fan." When the Tampa Bay (Devil) Rays made their run, Rays hats and jerseys were flying off the shelves faster than they could make them. Who didn't jump on the "Who Dat Nation" bandwagon when New Orleans made their run at footballs greatest award? My question is, where the hell did all of these Packer fans come from?
I have a friend (who will remain nameless), we will just call him "Rookie Cheese Head" (or RCH for short). RCH was asking me in the few weeks leading up to the playoffs, "who should I become a fan of in the NFL?"
I guess his history of cheering for the Giants, and then the Raiders and then the Patriots just wasn't satisfying his football needs. So, RCH decides on the Packers and tells me "I am getting a tattoo when "we" win the Superbowl." Somewhat perplexed on his team decision, I asked "why the Packers?" I mean RCH has never been within 800 miles of Wisconsin, couldn't name any notable Packers other than Rodgers or Favre and is from Connecticut; I don't even think he knows another Packers fan.
Then it hit me. RCH has fallen so deep into the media frenzy that is holding the Packers up on the highest level and he felt it applicable to pull for the favorite because he likes winners. He will say "I liked the Packers before the playoffs," but liking them once they are mathematically in the playoffs doesn't end the bandwagon conversations. He did show his loyalty and get a personalized Packers jersey and a "cheese head" so I guess he is locked into the team as a true fan (at least until a better team comes along).
Since RCH is one of the three people that read my blog, I am sure I will hear a lot of shit from him about this rant. He will say "Oh, when did you become a huge Jets fan?" I admit that I have not been loyal to the gang green before this year as much as I am now. I was a born and raised Denver fan (again, born in Denver). Elway was my idol growing up, and my Mom actually babysat for some of the players' children on the team. Living in CT, it makes it hard for me to cheer for a team I see once a year (not having the games played locally), and since everything I loved about Denver is no longer there, and Tim Teabag Tebow is the face of the franchise, I have laid the team to rest after a 25 year run. I am a born-again Jets fan. Why the Jets you ask? Well I did live in New Jersey, "but it's the New YORK Jets Andrew!" Shut up, they play in New Jersey. Also, judging by this blog entry, I think you can agree I like to talk shit and what team does that better than the Jets?
All I have to say is I wish both teams in the Superbowl (and their true fans) luck and just hope it is a good game. I almost hope that the Packers win so I don't need to hear about all of the team change drama next year from RCH. Ok, I think I have vented enough. For the one person that has read this far (probably RCH), I hope you have a nice day ;-)
Thursday, January 13, 2011
Freak of the week: (Don't get stuck!)
Ok, So I took some time off of my blog. The Montauk Monster is allowed a vacation, right? I am sure the three people that read this shit were devastated. Anyways, want to hear a fucked up story?
Read the original story here
"MIDDLETOWN, Conn. (AP) - Police have arrested a Middletown man they say brandished a gun and robbed another man whose car had become stuck in the snow."
What is worse than having your car stuck in a snow bank at 3am in a blizzard? How about having some punk ass 19 year old knock on your window while you wait for AAA and rob you at gunpoint.
It gets better. Police were able to follow the tracks from the scene of the robbery to a car that was sitting close by which had two men smoking marijuana in it. How stupid can you be? Hey asshole, if you want to make some money in a blizzard to buy weed, how about you pick up a damn shovel and bang out a few driveways. At the rate of what these plow companies are charging people, I am sure you could get a fat bag of purple haze or some G13 by doing just one or two.
Another thing, who the hell would want to get high and drive around in a blizzard? I am paranoid enough driving in snow as it is, add a few hits and I would be freaking out. Plus, all of the fast food places are closed, what are you going to do when those munchies kick in? Way to think that one through buddy.
Read the original story here
"MIDDLETOWN, Conn. (AP) - Police have arrested a Middletown man they say brandished a gun and robbed another man whose car had become stuck in the snow."
What is worse than having your car stuck in a snow bank at 3am in a blizzard? How about having some punk ass 19 year old knock on your window while you wait for AAA and rob you at gunpoint.
It gets better. Police were able to follow the tracks from the scene of the robbery to a car that was sitting close by which had two men smoking marijuana in it. How stupid can you be? Hey asshole, if you want to make some money in a blizzard to buy weed, how about you pick up a damn shovel and bang out a few driveways. At the rate of what these plow companies are charging people, I am sure you could get a fat bag of purple haze or some G13 by doing just one or two.
Another thing, who the hell would want to get high and drive around in a blizzard? I am paranoid enough driving in snow as it is, add a few hits and I would be freaking out. Plus, all of the fast food places are closed, what are you going to do when those munchies kick in? Way to think that one through buddy.
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